Insecurity

Rough word. Tonight it really kind of hit me, I guess. Josh is in Austin and I'm spending the night in the Grand Forks Airport. Tonight he went out with old friends of his. That's the dilemma. I can't expect him to stay home every night that I'm gone but at the same time I feel left out.

Here I am. Moving to another city, another state, where I don't have any relationships with anyone other than people he already knows. That part really kind of sucks. I will be commuting back and forth from Austin to Salt Lake City to start my trips. A three hour flight there and a three hour flight back on each end of my 4-5 day trips. It's going to be difficult to find my groove there. I'm not going to want to go out every night I'm home. I'm going to want to relax from being on the road for soo long. I'm going to want alone time with Josh since I'll be gone soo much. So how am I going to manage this? It's frustrating. Just tonight he ran into an old friend, went to another friend's birthday gig at a bar, and here I am a thousand miles away. I'm going to always be missing out on things with other people and Josh will be going without me. His girlfriend will never be around. That's going to suck. I'm being negative I know. But it really hit me tonight that's how it's going to be. I don't want him to sit at home but at the same time I don't want me to miss out on everything. That's going to make it really difficult to build friendships with people in Austin as well as maintain the few that I have in Utah. Am I being selfish? Is it just insecurity because of all the changes?